Boobless and sucky
by Nicole-ahh
Summary: [NA] Hillary's life changed drastically when she ment Kai&Tala and moved to 'sucky town', and just when things begin to fall into place, secrets create rocky roads and life proves that it's not always fair, just fairer than death, thats all.
1. Chapter 1

_-x__-Jiggle it a little, it'll open-x-_

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* * *

****-x-Chapter 1- A Boobless outsider. Sucky-x-**

I am the new girl.

Never in my whole entire life have I been the new girl. _I'm_ the one that looks at the new girls standing awkwardly with their lunch trays attempting to find a place to sit, I laugh when the new kids don't know the schools newest fashion statements or when they don't know how to get around the school. I was the hunter, but now because of my stupid dad and my dead mother, I am the hunted.

I guess that's wrong of me, saying my mother is stupid, she's not even here to defend herself any more, not that she would have even if she weren't dead. Sasha Marie, her friends wanted to be her and the men wanted to have her. And I hated her.

That's the way it was, even when I stared at her, dieing, in a hospital bed. I still hated her.

I will never defend the fact that it isn't cold, because believe me, I know that hating my dead mother puts me right up there with Hitler. I just can't help it. I know some day I will miss her and cry over the lost time, actually the time that was never even there to lose, but for now I will go on hating her.

Hating her and my dad and my stupid new school. God, I hate school. I hate the tests and the teachers; I mostly hate the mindless droids that walk around in the hall ways, pretending to like each other, all acting the same and dressing the same. Most days I am ashamed to breathe the same air as them.

I was never very popular in my old school, but I had good friends and was part of the puzzle that belonged to the 10th grade class of Brown High School . But here, here is a lot different. Here I am a strange alien like woman, not even that, every one in this place appears to have the boobs the size of small kittens, which means I am a boobless outsider.

Every one notices that I dress differently, they can't quite decipher which group I should be thrown into, that's why no one will talk to me. I'm not Goth or punk or even crazy rocker emo chick. I am this girl with no boobs and her own style, which use to be part of the reason every one respected me. Now I am a boobless nothing, who is standing in what appears to be a disserted hallway.

Every one is gone. I have ranted for almost five minutes and I don't know where to go or what to do, which means I am late. I am always late, even when I know where to go, which isn't good for the future because I need to save the 10 late slips I am granted before me 'phone call home,' for when I really need it.

Oh great, here comes some one. Okay, maybe it's not as great as I thought. It would have been better if it was a teacher or a school shooter, but of course nothing in my life is that good of luck. It's the _bad asses_.

You know what I'm talking about so don't pretend that you haven't got a clue! The ones that could be on the track team because they're always working out, the ones who look like their on drugs but only smoke the occasional cigarette if they have nothing better to do. The guys that randomly decide if they feel like going to class, and tell the teachers to fuck themselves.

See. You know who I'm talking about! And they are growing nearer, and it appears that they are stopping right beside me. Oh my God, their trying to talk to me.

"Are you lost?"

Okay that wasn't nearly as bad as it seemed, I blink a few times because I had more or less expected to be raped or punched. I bob my head up and down a few times, a small smile appearing through the corner of my mouth. Their cutter than I had imagined.

Theirs only two of them but I am sure that's all my eyes could handle. The one is tall and really muscular, with an odd bluish black color of hair, and this look on his face that makes me think he's been hurt more than once. The other one is shorter and built more like a runner, he has this shaggy red hair and a few freckles in random places that make me grin.

"I was actually on my way to English and then well I started thinking about how sucky this place is-." I know I just said sucky, which is totally childish but I can hardly help it, "And I just sort of forgot about what I was doing."

I flash my famous Hillary smile, the one that could get me out of trouble even if a robbed a bank. They seem to like me, from the small amount of emotion that they show.

"Well how about you skip English and we show you around the sucky town, which is slightly less sucky than this sucky school." I'm grinning like a stupid little kid, but I can't help it, these are the kind of people I have been searching for the whole day!

"Oh, I almost forgot, my name is King Tala the Great." I giggle slightly and he adds in, "Oh, right. This is Kai." I look up at Kai, who, while Tala isn't looking, flashes me a small smile.

They lead me down the hall, me sandwiched in the middle like they're trying to protect me from some one coming up and throwing a Chinese fighting star at me. I don't really mind though, it's nice to know there are people out there who aren't blond and don't have boob jobs.

**XXX **

Tala and Kai, quite a pair. Apparently I now make them a pair plus one, because I have been with them almost every waking second the past month.

A pair plus one, not very original but true enough. I guess we could be a trio or a threesome…I like a pair plus one, because then you don't forget about the friendship they had before I came along. Which apparently, is quite a friendship.

They grew up in Russia, until they were probably 10, then they came over here with Kai's mother and Tala's father. Their parents ran away together, something the boys seemed quite alright with.

Now their here, in sucky down. Which is alright with _me_ since they keep me company and are much stronger than my dad, who no longer hits me or makes me come home right after school. And I have almost totally and completely forgot about my mother whom I still hate, but hardly ever remember to hate any more because I am having so much fun with Kai and Tala.

We do teenager things that were always to crazy for me to imagine myself actually doing. Like we go into stores and try on like a whole bunch of cloths and never buy anything, Tala likes to try on hats and sunglasses and Kai likes to look at me do the cat walk and call Tala a dumb ass.

We go and sit on the bleachers that are facing the track, and watch this guy named Tyson run. He's like, the fastest person in the whole state, but some times when he's training we yell stuff out to him, to see if he will mess up. Usually he doesn't even notice us, but one time I called him sexy and he stopped dead in his tracks and asked for my phone number. Naturally I had to accept, Tala and Kai were slightly discouraged by this and highly recommended me to give Tyson a fake number. I did nothing of the sorts.

I don't think any one understands how happy I am here, with Kai and Tala. I haven't told them hardly anything about myself yet, other than the time they were looking through my stuff and they found my birth control pills, they don't know anything personal. But they never really press me for it, because I never press them for their deep dark 'dirty little secrets.'

Some day, maybe soon maybe three years from now I will tell them about my dad being an ass hole and my dead mum and the past that rests inside the closets of my mind. But for now, we just goof off and try on funny looking hats.

What more could I ask for any way?

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_-x-Jiggle it a little, it'll open-x-_


	2. Chapter 2

_-x-When we were younger we use to sit on my porch and talk smack about girls _

_And professional sports-x-_

**-x-Chapter 2-Not like Spiderman-x-**

I have always hated physical activity, eating healthy is my motto to a successful body weight. My point is, athleticism is something I was born with out. Which is not so much funny as ironically cruel because I am jogging the 3000 M race around the school's track.

How can they even say it's a race? We just jog around the track until every one has fallen down or been rushed to the emergency room, the last person standing is the winner.

The track and field coach, a grumpy old Italian man with a twisted mustache and full grey eye brows, says I am a born natural runner. I say I am a born natural quitter.

It may sound morally wrong, but my whole life when something gets hard I just sort of patter out.

Once I was holding a ladder for my father (he was putting the Christmas lights up on the house,) and my arm fell asleep. I didn't tell him I was going inside to take a little break, maybe get a drink of water and rid myself of the arm cramp, I just let go of the ladder.

Dad fell off the roof and broke his arm. I got a hot chocolate.

Currently, I am on my fifth lap. Every other girl in my gym class has stopped running, their on the ground huffing and holding their sides. God damn-it! Why did stupid Kai and dumb ass Tala have to turn me into a person with pride?

Every lap I complete I feel myself changing into a different person, transforming into this more poised and forgiving Hillary. Every lap I run I become closer to the person that I know some day, I will be.

Of course this Hillary will still have a wonderful taste in fashion and a fabulous eye for warm and cool colors, but I think you understand. It's not what I do or _who_ I do any more. It's more or less whom I am.

**XXX**

You know in Spiderman when Peter Parkers aunt May tells him, "With great power comes great responsibility." Well this is sort of like that, except not.

I am sitting across from Kai and diagonal to Tala. Kai is doing the writing, I the talking and Tala is making the smart ass comments. Although this seems like an ordinary; Hillary, Tala and Kai day it's like, so not! Kai is helping me fill out a job application.

Actually so far, we've filled out a few. 17 to be mathematically correct (that was the sentence on my, 'sentence of the day' calendar.) Their applying for places like Fcuk and Lazenza. Kai of course being the grounded and slightly uptight person he is, made me get applications to grose places to. Places I don't even shop, my dad shops at these places. Like Wallmart and the legal poison also known as the food court.

The whole thing with being a new, better Hillary is getting more responsibility. And apparently, you don't just 'get' responsibility, you actually have to work for it.

So far, I've done all the working I want, which about evens out to 12 minutes and 52 seconds.

You could probably etch some time off that because for the last two minutes I haven't been paying much attention. Kai notices too, because he's just stuck an ice cube down my shirt. Tala is rolling around on the floor laughing, but some how, I don't find it quite as funny.

"Okay that's great, now my bra is wet…" I find that I'm not so mad any more, mostly because I have found a way to get out of any more of this uber boringness. "Which means we're all going to have to go back to my house and I'm going to have to change."

Kai has his eye brow arched in this way that makes him look like he's the president of the united states, some one with a lot of authority. "uh hu, right Hillary. Then after that we can grow a money tree and cure world hunger."

My eyes grow wide, "That's perfect! A money tree! Why didn't we think of this sooner, that way I don't even need to get a job…we can just buy a hot tub and sit in it all day!"

I am now standing up, I have stacked my things all in a nice pile, and with out really realizing it I have put on my coat. Tala does the same, he's had enough of this whole being serious thing, and even Kai looks a little spaced out.

"Okay fine! But we have to finish these by tonight!" I nod my head very dramatically, making a few promises which appear to convince him because we make our way out of the coffee shop and into the hot summer sun.

It's Sunday, we've practically scoured the whole entire town for applications and even found some cute capries at the same time. Well actually, I found the cute capries and Kai got the applications.

I never said the 'new Hillary' thing was totally complete; it's like a plant growing. It takes time, and it grows in intervals…I just hope the plant doesn't die. What the hell am I saying, there is no plant.

I think my brain is broken.

"I can't believe school is almost over, I am so sick of it!" Tala is speaking some scenes and some gibberish. "Tala, you never go to school." There's a twisted smile at the corner of his lips, like he knows it but he couldn't help but saying it.

It's Kai's turn to snicker, but he doesn't say anything although I am almost positive he's harboring some badass comment. I sigh, not only because I can feel the sweat covering my chest but because school isn't really almost finished.

"There's a month left…and five track meets left." The boys stop but I continue walking, they manage to catch up, still slightly shocked by my track meet sentence.

I shrug, stopping to look for cars before I cross the street. "Yeah, Mr. A said it would be a good idea, apparently" I raise my hands and use my fingers to do quotations. " 'I have talent.' I don't really mind though, I kind of like the long distance thing."

We're at my house and Tala, like it's his own home, swings the screen door open and kicks off his shoes. "That's somewhat unexpected." I hate when Kai mutters under his breath, but I don't saying anything of it instead with a grin reply.

"I'll be in shape for the end of school dance…" I close my eyes, tripping as I walk up the stairs, probably not a good thing to close my eyes when I'm walking up a flight of stairs with 32 steps, there's a long way to fall.

Kai sort of catches me, pushing me back up. It doesn't take very long for him and Tala to start off about the dance, and how funny my dance joke was, that's why I shut my eyes. Because for once in my life I was serious and not making a joke. God, life is a party…it's slightly boring once every one goes home however.

We're in my room now; my walls are black with thick white poka dots and my mattress lays on the floor without a bed frame. Things are scattered around my floor and heaps of cloths in sorted piles waiting to be washed. I have a few posters on my walls, some of Chad Michael Murray but mostly of my favorite rock groups. The Strokes, Billy Talent, The All American Rejects and a couple of AC/DC, The Beatles and the stones.

"Actually, I'm very serious." We're now talking about how messy my room is, and it's out of the blue, so it takes them a few seconds to figure out what I'm talking about. They don't have a whole lot to say. "Tyson Granger asked me to go, which is good because he's like, I don't know popular. But that's not why I said yes it's just I wanted to meet other people and he knows every one."

Kai blinks, either because he can't believe what I just said or I said it to fast and it was nothing more than a blurb of words.

Tala is sitting in my bright purple bean bag chair playing Play Station and I don't think he wants to be paying much attention to me and Kai, who are now locked in a staring contest.

Kai stands, heading for the door and I find myself yelling at him in an annoyed way. "Don't be such a baby. I love you guys! I don't want new best friends, but it would be nice to know the names of my peers!"

His hand is resting on the door knob, it's like he wants to walk away but he can't. We're looking at each other again, we can both hear Tala oooing and awwwing and see him threw the corner of our eyes rolling around with the controller but we both keep straight faces.

"If you wanted to go I would have taken you. You don't have to go with a loser like Granger. Damn-it Hillary I would have worn a suit!" And with that, he's out the door, leaving me looking like a stupid teenage girl…something Kai has taught me, I am. It least compared to him I am immature.

Tala is now sitting on the bed, directing me to sit next to him. The game is paused, which is a big thing for Tala because he gets a little strange when it comes to his games.

"Him and Tyson were really good friends. Last year Kai thought he was madly in love, now I would like to point out that I hated the girl, Mila Jones, she was a little slu-." I sort of cut him off and I know he hears the annoyance and hurt in my voice. "Get on with it Tala!"

He flashes me a fake smile and continues. "Sorry. Well Kai was like in love with this girl, or so he thought. Then he found out that Mila was cheating on him with Tyson Granger."

There you have it, I knew there was something other than the Russia secret that Kai had, some other hurt. His best friend, my best friend, has just explained to me just what that is. It's a stupid girl, a girl hurt Kai some one who seems to have a heart of steal.

_-x-When we were younger we use to sit on my porch and talk smack about girls _

_And professional sports-x-_


	3. Chapter 3

_-x-For years now I have owned show turtles, _

Not once have I ever put them in a show-x-

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**-x-Chapter 3- 'that girl'-x-**

82 hours and 46 minutes. That's the exact time that me and Kai have been fighting, the exact amount of time that Tala has been feeling awkward around both of us, and the exact time that my heart has felt like it's going to fall out of my chest.

I have been with a lot of guys, none of them have met anything but their have been quite a few. Then there's Kai. I have never had a relationship with a guy like Kai with out ending up making out with him two hours after our introduction. Still, even though there has never been any of that physical love, there's this strange feeling inside my stomach. A feeling no other guy has ever given me.

It's always there, it tumbles around inside of you, pushing any common thoughts out of you head. It makes my heart want to stop beating, perhaps it has.

There's this quote that this really old British rock star said, his name was Sid something, 'I have only ever been in love with a beer bottle and a mirror.' My friends always told me it was harsh, it was always written on my minders and on my walls and my msn screen names. But it was the truth, it was the truth till Kai and his stupid redheaded local idiot came along.

Before I moved to town sucky, I would have never even dreamed that I would be sitting in my room after school with out any human contact. It least in my 'before' thoughts my dad would have it least came into my room and screamed at me. But no. I am simply alone, and I don't except Tala to be coming by any time soon. He has strep throat, so does Angela Sliany. He insists that there's nothing there, I beg to differ.

I guess I lied a little, I have six text messages on my phone. All from Tyson Granger, another character from town sucky that I can't seem to get out of my head. People change, I understand that now because I am one of those people. The only thing I wonder is, could some one like Tyson change? And how can he change if I don't know the person he was before I met him?

Life is complicated, and right about now to some extent stupid.

At the beginning of my stay here, I was worried about fitting in. Now I am worried about fitting out, if that is even possible. The thought of Kai's eyes burning wholes into my own makes me want to punch a wall, or punch him. So instead of physically hurting him, mentalling hurting him is what I chose to do.

My phone is sitting on my dresser, next to my TV which is playing the fifth season of Gilmore Girls, disk four. I flip through my recent calls, and come across _his_ number. I hit the green send button, and am instantly connected.

It doesn't take very long for me to get connection and a low sexy slightly raspy voice comes on the other end. "Hello?" "Hi Tyson, it's Hillary. Sorry I didn't return your calls, my phone was dead. I am totally with out companionship right now, what do you say you take me out to the lake. We can do a little afternoon swimming."

Of course he says yes, I often wonder if the boy is in love with me, why? That's another question for another day.

I am now scrambling around my room, attempting to find my little lime bikini with black poka dots, once I retrieve it from one of my unpacked boxes under my bed, I whip off all my cloths and put it on. I stand in front of the mirror giving my skin a little pinch here and there.

I have no fat; just a collar bone sticking through my skin and bony hips and a place where my A boobs should be C's. I like me, but some days I wonder what it would be like to be, 'that girl.'

I've always finished last, this time I'm not talking about the 3000, I'm more or less talking about life. Life is something I haven't yet been able to figure out. I wish I was Kai, I wish I was 'that girl' with the brains that Kai has, and the humor that Tala has.

'That girl.' You know who I'm talking about; she's the one with the perfect curvy body, long blond hair and wonderful blue eyes. She's the girl that no matter what, guys like Tyson Granger will always have at the back of their mind, she's perfect in her own essence and even though you want to hate her, you can't…because she's 'That girl.'

At my old school I was never close to be 'That girl.' But back then I guess I never really though of it. I had my own personality and my own clique to be part of, but I was respected and known. I was 'That unique rocker chick.' No word of a lie. I was that girl.

Now it feels like I am no one. No one at school, a place where even though people say means nothing, is everything. You spend almost four years of your life there, and it's not a short four years either. That's why I want to like it and I want people to like me. I want it to be fun and more like a family than a school.

That's what it was like back at my school, it was like a family. We all fit together when we needed to, not always, we weren't all best friends. But when we needed to ban together, God knows we did.

Now I am this girl with amazing friends, friends who don't care about the family she never had. I'm sure if I told them (if I ever talk to Kai again) that they would understand, or it least try to. But I am to afraid, because I know how much they don't care about that. They have had each other their whole life's, they have _always_ been ban together. They don't need to think about it. They just _are._

In all the time I have been thinking about 'That girl' and finding a family some place in reality I will never find one, I have forgot to find the rest of the things I need…and Tyson is down stairs in my drive way.

I pull on a lime green shirt sweater with a stretchy material and a hood at the back, and am out the door in my little tiny bottoms. I slip on my flip flops and am out the door, yesterdays beach towel in hand.

I've forgotten my sun screen and I burn like a red head! Then again I have forgot a lot of things. Mostly that being 'That girl.' Is something I don't want, it's more of a fantasy. And also, mostly that I found a family with out really realizing it. Not a family with a whole bunch of people, but we're tight. Something me my dad or mum never, ever had.

Now only if Tala would screw his head on a little tighter and if Kai would talk to me. Then maybe we could get some where…other than the beach.

**XXX**

My shoulders hurt, the skin is peeling and I have a few blisters, I knew I would though.

It wasn't even worth it. The water was nice and there weren't even any mosquitoes. Tyson was good company and the ride was like one out of a movie when a couple go 'into the country.' But the whole entire time, even when Tyson bought me rocky road ice cream, I was thinking about Kai.

That's mostly why I am standing on his door step, debating on weather or not to knock on the door, ring the door bell, hit the knocker of just go home.

It's almost 8:15, and he should be leaving for school…if he's going. That's why I am here right now, because if he is headed there I am going to divert him. Actually, not only I, but also Tala who is sitting in my rusty old white car.

I turn on my heel, glancing at Tala with a squinty face, he knows I don't want to do this. He also knows that Kai has been a very unbearable person the past 82 hours and 21 minutes we have been fighting.

I take a deep breath, it's my fault Kai has been so grumpy lately, he's probably been a real dick to be around. I know on the door not the initial plan (the initial plan was to ring the door bell) but it is still effective because a black haired girl answers the door. She has short spiky hair, and is tall and seems very fit, probably some kind of a sports player. I smile at her and she doesn't seem to have a problem smiling back.

"Hi, I was just wondering if I could talk to Kai…?" Her face lights up even more so, and she opens the door wider. "I'm going to take a swing in the dark that you're Hillary." I find myself grinning, although I don't know why. "How'd you know?" She shrugs but then gives herself away, "Tala is sitting in your car outside…he looks like a dog in the passenger's seat. And also, when Tala left so early this morning, he left a note so we didn't think he got abducted my aliens or anything."

I snort lightly, one of the many un-lady like qualities I posses. "Come on inside, he's not up yet. He was complaining yesterday that he was sick, but I highly doubt he is. You can just go up the stairs; his door is the second one on the right."

I can hear her Russian accent, but barley. If I didn't know Kai was Russian I wouldn't have picked it out. I slip off my shoes, their Adidas sandals with the little rubber spiky things in the souls, I love them more than I love my car. (Only because when my car breaks down, I don't mind walking the rest of the way if I'm wearing the shoes.)

The house smells good, like spices and coffee and maybe bagels. I walk up the stairs which are covered in a thick white carpet, the walls posses frames of children, and as I get further up the stairs those children get older. It's the girl, whose name was Tashnia. Tashnia is Kai's sister. Tala has two brothers, Jacob and Fin, so far I have only seen pictures of them.

Once I reach the top of the stairs, my eye almost bulge out of their sockets. There are almost 12 doors up here; I know why she told me the exact door now!

I follow her directions carefully, and place my hand on the door. It's sweaty and I have to try a few times to get it to open, and when I do I can't control the laugh that escapes from my lips. I cover my mouth emidently and close the door behind myself.

Kai is in his boxers, the sheet has been torn off the bed, and he's kind of bundles in it, along with his duvet cover, his body is almost falling off the bed probably because the pillow is on the side of the bed instead of up and down.

There is a blanket draped over the two windows, and only a little bit of yellow light is coming in through them. "Kai, Kai, wake up." I try to whisper, but after a few times it turns into a hiss.

I make my way over to his bed, unlike my room his is spotless, but I find it's a lonely kind of spotless. He has no things, except for a picture which is stuck to his mirror. I walk over to it, and I am now finding a few tears escaping my eyes.

It's a picture of me him and Tala. We're all close together and we look awkward, because we were so close but also because Kai was trying to take the picture and be in it at the same time.

I sigh; it was hard fighting with him for so long. I've only known him for three months but it feels like he has been in my life since day one. I sit down on his bed, listening to his light throaty snore.

"Kai, could you please get up? I'm sorry about the Tyson thing, I never knew about him and you. I'm going to continue to hang out with him…hopefully you understand that now I'm not doing it because he's cool or anything. It's because he's fun to be around and you of all people should know that." I take a breath, I'm staring at his white wall and talking to myself, but it feels good to let it out. Even if the person I am saying it to is sleeping.

"And I most defiantly didn't know about you and Mila. I've never had my heart broke because I have never given my heart to any one…I was always to scared that they would break it. You are her aren't together any more and I'm sorry about that, but that's okay….because now you have me. And I am better than any chick named Mila; I don't give a fuck if she was 'That girl.' She will never care about you the way I have grown to care about you-and of course Tala."

About half way through I knew he was up, he probably heard me the whole time in his subconscious. But I couldn't bring myself to stop; I needed to say it, at all costs.

Kai is sitting up now, and I have found myself sitting with my back against the wall, my legs over his own.

I glance over at him but quickly back at the white wall. "Well fuck Kai, say something." Covering my mouth would be childish but I really wish I hadn't sounded so harsh, harsh is something I don't want to be right now.

"Hillary, to me your 'that girl.' So don't ever worry about that." I find myself grinning; he pulls me into a side hug like he would hug his sister. I have never had this kind of hug before, but I hope there are more like it.

"So what do you have planned for today? I know you didn't just come to wake me up and blab away…or did you?" I groan and punch him in the arm, rolling my eyes.

"Damn rights I have something planed, now get your cloths on we're going on a road trip…to some place that is not sucky town. It's the complete opposite of sucky town…it's like, rocky town!"

It's his turn to roll his eyes and groan, but he does as he's told and changes into some slightly emo looking cloths. Straight legged jeans and a black T shirt that says 'join the band.'

The other day before out fight I bought him some converse shoes because I have like seven pairs and I told him we couldn't be friends if he didn't have converse, even Tala had converse. He told me how stupid they were and how he was never wearing them. As we speak, he's putting on the converse.

**XXX**

Tala put up a huge fight about having to sit in the back, in the end Kai out muscled him. On the way there we talked about things ranging from if there was God to what kinds of dogs we liked, all the way to the secrets both boys have been harboring from me.

Tala is scared of butterflies and grasshoppers and apparently all he wants to do is fall in love get married and have a whole bunch of kids. Kai talked about Mila a little bit, we talked a lot about Tyson. They talked about their parents, how they each missed the parent that they left back in Russia but were so glad that they came here together and that their mum and dad decided to hook up and come here. I talked about my mum a little bit, we had to stop on the side of the road and Kai held me while I cried for the first time since she died…I told you that day would come.

It took six hours to get here, we had a lot of tears shed and a lot of laughs, we went through a lot of chips and pop and the MacDonald's franchise owes us big now. We stopped for like 64 pea breaks but we're here none the less. We're in my home town Lillyrock.

Tashnia was right, Tala does look a lot like a dog the way he hands his head out the window! I love it here, there's a lot of trees and greenery, flowers are most defiantly not hard to find. I think Kai and Tala like it to, every one does. There's something about it. Maybe it's the spirits that float around here, they probably like it to. The way it smells the way it tastes, the way it can make a person clean.

We're driving by my old house; it's big and white and has green shudders with flaky paint. There's a family there now, so we drive by as slow as we can, Kai is driving now because I wanted to be able to look. Once I can't see it any longer, I glance at the clock on the radio. Its 3:00, schools out in 10 minutes.

I tell Kai where to go, it takes a few U turns and back tracking to get there, but we finally end up at the school. When we open our doors, garbage and pop bottles fall out of the seats, it takes a little bit more time to get all the crap back into the car.

The school steps are a long way to walk every morning, but you get use to it. Kai and Tala, not so much. The doors squeak when we open them, just like they always use to. The receptionist knows me, I had regular visits to the Principals office, I don't know her name, I just call her Miss. Frizz because she has this crazy curly frizzy hair. She smiles at me, asks me how I have been and lets me go through the entrance.

The lockers are all fit together perfectly, almost smooshed. I remember when we got all the new ones; I was about in grade three. There were so many new students and our class sizes just kept growing.

I peer in through the windows as we walk by, every one looks fidgety, it's Friday and it seems like every one is ready to leave. Then I see them, the people I grew up with. The people who made me want the security I have been searching for at my new school.

They're nothing like the people at Brown High, they all mean so much to me even though when I was here they seemed like so little. They fit together perfectly, like an ikea bed set.

Kai and Tala push me forward and I knock on the door, Mr. Hartery answers. He eminently hugs me and starts firing questions at me. Then he brings me into the class room and most people spring out of their seats.

They missed me. I came here because I wanted to know if they felt like they were missing part of their unit, and they do. That's all that mattered to me, knowing that I actually met something in this place I know will never be real to me again.

My old best friends, a group of five girls are hugging me. They dress the same as me, kind of funky, with big jewelry. Samantha, Kyra, Janessa, Rebecca and Jennie. I use to love them, now I love what I had with them.

Even 'That girl,' who around here we call Jessica to her face, smiles and me and gives me a little hug. They all seem genuine, and that means a lot to me.

Then I introduced them to Kai and Tala, who have been standing behind me the whole time.

"Their kind of cute! Where'd you pick them up? Were they hitch hikers?" I laugh at Kyra, she was always the funnier one of us. Her and Tala eminently start talking.

They invite us to a party, me and Tala look over at Kai. He's our ring leader, and most likely our designated driver if we go to this little all night bash.

"I don't care. But if we end up passing out in the car, I am so _not_ sleeping next to Tala. He can sleep in the front." Tala's bottom lip sticks out like a child. "But there's that thing in the middle so you can't lay down!"

Kai snickers and I elbow him in the ribs, looking over at the rest of the group. I can hear Tala and Kai arguing, Tala keeps saying that Kai shouldn't get to sleep in the back with me any way, because I'm a girl. Then Tala tries to tell me that Kai will try to feel me up in the night time, I tell Tala that it's the other way around. Surprisingly enough Kai blushes at this, but laughs all the same.

Mr. Hartery let's us leave a little bit earlier, as we all leave for Janessa's house which was always the head base, to get ready.

I'm glad I am back, if only for a short while. It's good to know that they missed me, that I was a thorn in their foot while I was gone. The only thing that really mattered to me was that they missed me, because if they all missed me then I do know I had a family here, with this group of people. Just like I have a family now, with redhead and Mr. Cool over there. They care about me and I care about them…and the fact that my car is dirtier than my room. I care about that to. Maybe I'll pay Tala to clean it…or I could just get Kai to make him………….

_-x-For years now I have owned show turtles, _

_Not once have I ever put them in a show-x-_

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I would just like to thank my few reviewers for reviwing! I'm glad you liked it, and the humor. This chapter was a little longer and a lot less funny, but I had to just get the emotional stuff out and so forth.

Tell people about this fic, I would really like a strong fan base with this story! It's actually one that I really enjoy and I think _any_ one can enjoy too! And you don't have to follow the beyblade story line either…

Any how, I have strep throat and school in the morning and it's currently 12:14. Not so good. And plus, I'm scared there's something inside my closet and it's going to jump out and eat me (slightly far fetched but still scary!)

Lol, thanks for your reviews keep um coming!

-Nikole


	4. Love the mess

8

_-x-Kids, you tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is, never try-x-_

_

* * *

__I would like to dedicate this chapter to Megs, an amazing friend and much better mentor than any one I have ever know. If there's a Heaven then you're cruising around up there with a bottle of Tequila in hand. _

_This buds for you._

* * *

**-x-Chapter 4- Love the mess-x-**

The light is shining in my window…why is there light shining in on my window? I don't have a window. If I don't have a window then where am I? My eyes, which were squeezed shut tight before, are now even more afraid to open.

I open one, peering around cautiously; I lay still and don't move my head, viewing only a plain white wall. I open the other eye turning on my right side to see none other than Tala, and that pretty much does it. I let out a loud scream, like it's the only scream left in me and I'm being kidnapped and rapped.

In an attempt to get out the other side of the bed, I turn to my left, but am blocked by another body, which appears to be Kai but I can't really tell because my head is throbbing and my vision is blurred.

"Shut up Hillary, calm down!" Tala is talking to me now, and his hand is over top of my mouth, I feel like biting his fingers but instead I flop back down into the middle of the bed.

I turn so I am facing Kai, looking at him with my one eye brow arched into a kind of sexy way. "Why are the three of us sleeping in the same bed? And why am I only wearing a bra and underwear?"

Kai, as if he doesn't realize it, looks me up and down and turns a shade of red I've never seem him turn before. Tala on the other hand, just turns over and goes back to sleep.

"Janessa bought us a hotel room last night…apparently Tala in his drunken state wouldn't shut up about having to sleep in the car." He rolls his eyes, but I can still feel his awkwardness surrounding us in an air right bubble.

I rub my thumb into my temples, that's right, there was a party last night…actually I'm pretty faithful that it went all the way into the morning.

I turn on my side so I am looking at Kai, my head resting on my outstretched arm. "So what? We just passed out on this bed? All three of us?"

Again, he turns this bright red and I can't quite understand why. I never understand any of the things he does, but he just seems so uncomfortable and it's slightly frustrating.

"Come on now Kai, your telling me that you never saw a girl in her bra and panties before?" This is a joke but for some reason I can't really stop myself, "Not even Mila?"

There's a long silence, and an imaginary gap between us, I except him to start yelling or freaking out or for his heart to explode. But nothing of the sorts happens, "Actually, yeah I've seen quite a few girls a lot more undressed than you. It's just that you're the hardest I feel for."

My heart feels as though it's about to jump up my throat and land on the floor, and I mentally send it a message to stop eminently. More butterflies come, and it's my turn to feel childish and stupid and my ears turn pink.

I clear my throat and lick my lips nervously. "What happened last night?" My voice must be shaky and cracked, but I can't seem to fix it or change it.

"Well let's see? The time you tried to fuck Aaron Ross or you did a little strip dance for the whole party? We could talk about the time when I took you home and you started groping me."

I shriek and burry my head in my pillow, I can hear Tala muttering something about how Kai should have shut up until we were well rejuvenated but none of it registered. I'm starting to remember last night, but I only remember bits and pieces which makes it hard to decide if it's good or not.

Kai's hand is on my back moving in a circle, making my skin numb. I feel these hot acid tears inside my eyes and they leak onto my pillow. "This was supposed to be the new Hillary! And we did it in a hotel!" His hand stops and he brings it up to my neck and brings his face down really close to mine.

"The new Hillary is still the new Hillary, we didn't do anything accept for kiss which I do apologize for. I punched Aaron Ross when he tried to take you into his vehicle and when he had his hands all over you." Kai takes a breath but continues not to long after.

"I pulled you off the table before you could take off your bra and underwear and sat you up on the kitchen sink at the party when you got into a fist fight, there's a band aid on your cheek."

My heart is pulling in two directions, jump Kai right here or put my head back into my pillow and break down. I feel his breath on my neck, unaware of Tala snoring next to me or the rest of my stingy hotel room surroundings. All I can feel is Kai, and he's not even touching me.

I whip the small tears from the corners of my eyes, and sniffle in a few times. "I don't remember the kiss…what was it like?" I stare down hard at the blue and green plaid pillow that made my neck feel like it was broken during the night.

Kai breaths heavily and I can see everything he's ever kept from the world in his eyes, I can see the small pours on his cheeks and the little freckles that cover his nose.

"It was really soft and long and we didn't turn out heads..." I think he's done but he puts more thought into this than I ever imagined. "My bottom lip was bellow your own bottom lip, everything just sort of aligned."

I swallow my breath; my heart is beating so fast I think I might stop breathing. The words that are inside my heart and inside my head mix together and fall right from my lips, "Show me again."

Kai blinks, glancing over me at the clock attempting to see how long we've been sleeping for…not very long. "Your still drunk, go back to sleep Hillary. This isn't what you want."

I want to cry even harder than I did when my mum died or when I thought I had sex with Kai or the time my pet fish named Fish died, even more so than when I fell off my bike and scraped the whole left side of my body. I've been rejected from the only actual person I've ever wanted to accept me.

And he's wrong, he's so wrong we should just slap a sign on him. Because I do want it, and for the first time since I met this boy that sees right past my mask and into my heart, I will admit to it. I want Kai Hiwatari more than I want the ocean to swallow the moon or the fireflies to burn forever. This want is beyond words and maybe that's why it's so wrong.

"Kai the last thing I want is to tell me what I want." My voice is breathy and short but I go on any way, I can't be worried about how dumb I sound, it's too late to turn back now. "Show me Kai…show me."

He keeps his eyes down but every so often looks up and then the blue orbs shoot back down. I feel the grip he has on my neck intensify but in a good way. His face comes closer to mine and he kisses me, just like I asked him to, just like he explained.

And I will admit, the first 15 seconds are amazing, I feel like we're the same person and I could breath and live through him if I needed too. Then around the 20th second when his body pushed on top of my own, there is a loud scream almost as shrill as mine.

"YOUR CAN _NOT_ BE SERIOUSE!" Tala is up off the bed, hopping around frantically holding his head like a small child. "This is a dream! You two were not just making out! It's a dream a dream a dream." He is now talking more to himself than us and we fade off again looking at each other softly like it really is a dream. Tala starts in again and both Kai and I jump a little.

"She is so pissed Kai! You know that! We've only been asleep like three hours! She's drunk, you're kissing our drunken best friend, and oh my God this isn't happening!"

I sink me head into the pillow, but then bolt up quickly and hold my mouth, toppling over Kai and making my way to the bathroom. "I do feel really sick when you mention it…" before I can finish I lean my head over the toilet and throw up once, maybe twice, it can hardly remember what color hair I have on my head.

I lean I again, but this time I feel some one sitting behind me, holding my hair. I glance over before I upchuck the party's 'mark.' A.K.A, booze. Tala is holding my hair, and Kai is sitting on the sink just staring at me blankly.

"I've got to go take a walk or something. I'll be back to get you two in a while, we'll go home…Hills, go back to sleep please." His voice is soft but rushed and monotone, no emotion what so ever. He's too far away right now, I can't see into him like I did only minutes ago, when I was right up close to hi, penetrating his fortress.

Before I can think about this more, he is gone and I put my head back into the toilet, Tala still frantic the whole time he's doing this.

Maybe this trip wasn't as well planned out and amazing as I thought.

**XXX**

Tala sits in-between us now, although I don't understand why. It's been almost two weeks since the 'incident' as Tala refers to it, and nothing has happened. We haven't talked about it and I haven't thought about it, only remembered the way he made me feel at that very moment. Like I mattered to some one.

I use to sit in the middle of the two boys, stand in the middle, on the first day of school they sandwiched me and I decided it liked that so it had always been that was since. But not things are awkward and strange and even if Tala let us sit together or stand beside each other, neither Kai nor I could handle it.

Tala is jumpy; Kai doesn't say anything so I have to say everything.

Don't get me wrong, we still laugh, that's when it feels like all the other times we had together. Like the other day Tala whistled at the back of a girl, who turned out to be a man. Or when he had toilet paper on his shoe and didn't know it.

Other than that however, we just distance ourselves. I've been on the track a lot and at work (I got the job at Lazenza so pooh on Kai!) But currently I am not at work on the track or poohing on Kai. I am standing in front of my full length mirror staring at myself.

I know I look gorgeous but all I can think about is weather or not Kai will be there. My dress is original, as Tala would say, 'just like you!' It off the shoulders and a plunging neck line, the short sleeves have these little dropsy ruffles as does the short bottom, the dress is silk and the best part is that it's black…with white poka dots.

My hair is down and straight and my bangs are wispy, the color is a light purplish black since I dyed it with Tala and Tashnia as a little experiment. It ended up being a damn good experiment!

I ended up agreeing to go with Tyson, only because I didn't have any one to go with and he's actually not seeming to be that bad of a guy. If Kai found out that I had been hanging out with Tyson for quite a while I think he would combust, but that's okay because Kai doesn't have a whole lot to say to me any more and any emotion he shows would be just fine with me.

I hear the honk beep three times, that's Tyson's signature honk, I slip into my black strapy sandals and slide down the railing like I use to do when I lived in my old house. God, my mum got so pissed when I did it because I chipped the white banister paint off and it got onto my hands which eventually ended up on my cloths.

**XXX**

Dances are gay, I always knew that. This one however, is even gayer than I could ever imagine. There are so many people here; I think the whole town must be jammed into our gym.

The music is good and I've met so many people, even girls! It feels so good to know I have 'girl friends' because it really kills when the only thing you need in the whole entire world is a tampon and the only people around you are boys screaming at the TV screen.

Tyson has danced with me so much I feel my makeup sweating up, but there's just something that doesn't sit right with me. The way he looks at me makes me sick sometimes, lust like. I know he's crazy about me, but that didn't stop him from feeling up, 'That girl,' (also known as Brianna) on the dance floor.

That's why I'm sitting out here, on the fountain edge with my feet inside the water, pennies in-betweens my toes. Tyson came out, I told him I missed my mum, which if he knew me, is a whole load of nothing, but he doesn't know me. So he's respecting my space.

The night feels like it's fading away, but it's only 11:30. I zone in and out, into my alternate universe and then back out again. I can't think stopping about the Littlest Hobo and Kai, winch is a weird combination but in a way, is strangely connected.

Speaking of the devil, actually we were speaking of Kai and the Littlest Hobo, so I guess I should say speaking of Kai. It seems as though he's standing beside me, throwing pennies into the well.

"What are you wishing for?" I force my voice out, even to me it sounds sad. Kai shrugs, it's not a shrug like 'I don't know,' it's a shrug like; 'I don't want to say.'

He takes a seat next to me, but doesn't put his feet into the water. "Where's Tala?" I turn my head to look at him, but he's not paying attention, he's looking at me with hungry eyes and he doesn't seem to care if I notice.

"I didn't tell him I was coming, I was scared that he might think I was trying to marry you and take you away." I force a smile on my face, it's hard and lifeless.

"Hillary are we going to talk about what happened? It hasn't been the same…"

I want to say so much, and I am about to, too, but I hear Tyson's voice coming from the door way to the school. "Hill-…" his voice trails off when he sees Kai sitting next to me, it seems to take everything the boy has to rip his eyes away from me and gaze upon Tyson.

"Hillary it's getting cold out. Why don't you come inside, we'll dance?" It's more of a question than a proposal but still, Kai takes it the wrong way. "If she doesn't want to Granger, then she doesn't want to!" He stands and I take his hand in my own, pulling on it gently. I am now finding myself hissing for him to sit down, but he doesn't listen.

And then the shit that I have been waiting to hit the fan finally does, and to make matters worse as soon as they start punching each other, Tala drives up in my car and gets out screaming bloody murder about how me and Kai can't get together because it will wreck the friendship and for some odd reason, I find myself yelling back in defense.

I glance over at Kai who is right now pinned to the ground getting hit in the face by Tyson, it doesn't take long however for Kai to get on top and start drawing blood from Tyson's cute face.

"Pay attention Hillary! We were arguing!" I glare at Tala and push him once, "No I was looking over at Kai making sure he's okay and that he doesn't kill Granger!" Tala growls at me and pushes me back and we lock arms and try to bring one and other to the ground.

All hell has broke lose, I know because me and Tala are both in the pond in a pile of quarters and Kai is on top of my wet body kissing me. Tyson is swearing and standing like a baby watching us.

"Kai, what the hell are you doing." I manage this single sentence through kisses although I have so much more to say. He only shrugs, "Kissing you and making up for the dumb ass I am." I can only grin, Tala seems to be crying next to us and Tyson has already begun to sulk away.

We're like this for almost five minutes me and Kai in our formal cloths all sopping wet and out of breath and Tala acting like an even bigger baby than Tyson. "Tala," i laugh between kisses, "You've got to love the mess." He manages to crack a smile even when me andKai go back to kissing, even though he's wet. You can always count on people like Tala to love the mess even thogh they don't feel like it. God made them that way. A cure maybe a gift...not so much.

"Excuse me." We all stop what we're doing, I wipe my face on the back of my hand and turn to look at the feminine voice that just beckoned us.

It's a woman and a very pretty one at that, she has long blond hair and thick dark blond eye brows that are sort of arched in a strange way. At first she seems harmless but then it seems as though a whole new her is coming out, that is when she sees Kai.

"So Kai, I see it didn't take you very long to rebound after I broke your heart." Kai's mouth is dropped open and for once tonight his eyes aren't on me.

_-x-Kids, you tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is, never try._

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Thank you to all my reviews i would name you but can't because im tired. Really, the support is apprechiated! Any how, im tired so im going to bed. I hope you liked this chapter, it you got any input let's hear it! (PS-iv never writen a 'funny' story befroe so let me know iv im getting to emotional) And also, did you like my lovely cliffy?

-Nikole


	5. Bat Girl, Indian rain dances

_-x-Son when you participate in sporting events it's not weather you win or lose it's about how drunk you get-x-_

_This bud's for you Meg._

**-x-Chapter 5- Bat girl, Indian rain dances and raspberry cheese cake-x-**

I think her Bat Girl eye brows are what intimidate me the most. Although if you really think about it, the girl isn't all that intimidating, other than the fact that she has Bay Girl eye brows and blond hair, there's nothing scary about the girl. Her eyes are soft, and in a strange way she reminds me of myself.

Even though I would never say this out loud that's all I can think about when I say the name Mila Jones in my head. She's not a bitch or a skank or a liar, she's just a girl who lost her way. In a way Mila is a lot like me.

I've been thinking about her constantly, even while I was running my final race or writing my tests for the end of the school year, Mila was still at the back of my mind. There's just something about the girl, and I don't blame Kai for falling deeply and madly in love with her…well actually he's never said that but Tala swears that he was.

I'm beginning to wonder if Tala isn't just trying to scare my away from Kai, but I can't be scared any longer. Being with Kai has been better than riding the Inverter at the carnival and throwing up my corn dog like six times, or the rush I get when I drive really fast through a red light.

Actually, Kai should be showing up here any moment. Since schools been out, and I've been sleeping in until around 10:30, he usually comes to wake me up, some times Tala comes with him but usually Tala himself is still asleep.

I wonder if today is the day we're going to talk about Mila, I keep wondering that same question every day, but nothing ever happens. Well I mean, everything happens except for the 'ex girlfriend talk,' or 'the night of the dance when the ex girlfriend showed up and my man couldn't take his eyes off her talk.' But nooo, nothing of that ever happens.

Now I've upset myself, which isn't good for me this early in the morning. I lean my head back into my pillow and curl up like a little two year old and click the remote. The only thing on at eleven in morning on a week day is _the price is right_, which really, I have no problem with.

There's a nock on my door, it can't be my dad because I heard him leave earlier than usual this morning, and it can't be Tala because yesterday he was on a very, _very_ late date with Hannah Smyth. So I take a swing in the dark and guess that it's Kai.

I turn my head and my mouth goes dry, it's not Kai, it's some one who broke his heart, but it's not Kai.

I want to sit up but my body feels like a heap of nothingness. "Kai told me that you would probably be asleep or just lounging around…I rang the door bell but you didn't answer so I found my way up to your room."

My eyes are blinking about one hundred miles a minuet and I have to rub them a few times to calm down my nerves. Mila Jones, the girl I have been thinking about for the past month is sitting on my bed. I don't know her but when I get a good look at her and she sits down on my bed I feel like we've been friends in a past life if there is such a thing.

"I ah don't mean to be rude…but what are you doing in my room on a Monday morning?" I except to have her pounce on my or bitch slap me but she only grins a pressed lip grin and begins to talk in a low calm voice, none like mine, I'm high and can seem shrill sometimes.

"I wanted to talk to you about Kai." I let out a hiccup, like I do when I get so nervous the only logical next step is to puke. I can't help myself, I'm a loud and outspoken girl and that's not always something you can harness. "Well you can't have him back. I love him more than I've ever loved a person in my whole entire life." She blinks and I blink, like we're waiting around for a bolt of lighting to strike one of us down.

Mila shifts her weight on the bed, we should both be stiff but I feel so lose and not at all edgy, I can feel her nerves lossening also. "I don't want to take him from you Hillary…I want to talk to you about some stuff he said to me…"

I feel my heart growing angry but I let her continue. "We've been meeting a few times a week since I came back last month. I don't know if he…told-you." Her voice is choppy like she doesn't want to give too much away.

I can only shake my head; Kai never told me anything about Mila. I assumed that after she was so cold to him when we were in the fountain and they just went their separate ways.

There's tears inside of me that I want to cry, because this beautiful Bat Girl like woman is going to take away some one I have grown amazingly attached to. I imagine my eyes are slightly red now, and Mila can see my dismay.

Her voice is quiet this time and for once she sounds sad. "I made my decision when I cheated with Tyson, and I won't lie, part of me still has a love for Kai…but not like you. He's not my best friend and I don't love him like I would love a husband. It's just a lust…one that I'm not proud of."

My breaths are short and I seem to be regaining consciousness from my alternate universe. "Wh-why are you here?" I don't mean to sound rude, because I really in an odd way, I want her to be here.

"I know you're pissed that I've been talking to Kai but all we ever talk about is you. I want to tell you something, something so big that it will scare you away and you'll never come back…and he doesn't. But Hillary…you love him don't you?"

I suck in air, I've never said it to him, not yet it least. But yeah, yeah I love him. I've loved him the first day I saw him in the hall ways and him and Tala are what have changed my life. They're the only reason I haven't swallowed a bottle of pills or jumped off a building or ran away and became a hooker. Their my reason for being able to live boobless their my reason for staying alive in sucky town.

My head bobs up and down, my voice feels detached, disengaged. I push out words maybe they come from my anger or maybe they come from my love, who knows other than my creator. "I want to know. Nothing could scare me away from Kai…nothing."

It doesn't feel right saying it, but I know it's true. I couldn't not ever talk to Kai again, I've lived to long with him to live with out.

Mila lays down next to me, I feel like she's my long lost sister. And some how, she feels the same. She takes her hand in my own, and begins really slowly and softly, like I except a mother would.

"When I was 16, so two years ago, when me and Kai were really serious we had sex…and I got pregnant." I don't think the words just fly out of my mouth like a bullet out of a gun. "Abortion is wrong! He knows that! He let you go through with an abortion!"

Mila squeezes my hand tighter and shakes her, my stomach hurts my head hurts…my heart hurts. My skin is whiter than my bleached teeth or the clouds outside. "Kai-Kai is a father? The father of-you-your child?"

Again, instead of words Mila uses her head, shaking it up and down. The tears come now, God I hate crying, but lately it seems like I've been doing a lot of it!

I'm a blubbering idiot, and my heart has been shattered into a million little pieces and then some more, and it doesn't feel like they can be glued back together, not again.

Mila is just sitting there, squeezing my hand. I squeeze back. It takes me a moment to turn my sobs into silent tears rolling down my cheeks, "What's the kids name?"

For the first time I see a light in her eyes, "Her name is Amilia and she's almost two." I hiccup a few times and then whip the back of my hand over my face a few times. "Does Kai see her a lot?"

There's a silence and a can hear the throb in the back of her throat as she speaks. "No, Kai never sees Amilia. We lived together for a while, he quit high school and moved to New York with me so I could be with my mum…but he missed Tala and he wanted to fall in love…I couldn't keep him from that. And I won't keep him from that, I won't keep him from you."

I now find myself flinging my arms around Mila, hugging her so tight I think maybe her head will pop off. "God Mila, I want to hate you but you can't hate some one so full of life and love." There's a small smile at the corner of her mouth as she pats me on the back.

"Kai's waiting at the beach for you…him and Tala took Amie…" They named her Amie for short, I wonder what she'll be like. Will Kai let me pick her up or will he hate me forever for wanting to be part of this? Tala isn't even part of this, why would I be aloud to be?

"We can go in my truck…if that's what you want." I stand up, letting my sweaty palm slip out of her own. I nod my head and head towards my closet, pulling out my red bikini with white poka dots. I put my hair into two braids and then instruct Mila to turn around while I change.

By the time we're down the stairs, I already know that her favourite movie is Greece and that she's in University to become a Paramedic.

She already knows that my lesbian crush is Angelina Joe Lee and that I've never had sex. She grins when she hears that, and tells me to keep it that way.

**XXX**

Amilia has Kai's eyes and Mila's Bat Girl eye brows; she's quiet but laughs like she's a Marlyn Monroe. I've never seen something as beautiful as this child.

We spent the whole day at the beach, soaking up the sun and getting little grains of sand stuck between our toes. Now however, there is no more sun and I've got most of the sand off my body.

I'm sitting on a park bench, looking out onto the lake, fire pits cracking only a few feet behind us.

"So did you have a good day?" It's usually him who asks this question but we've been sitting here, me sitting on his lap leaned into him with his arms wrapped around me, for almost 15 minutes and he hasn't said anything.

He sighs into my ear and speaks, "I got to see my kid the one I never wanted you to see. I saw the girl that shattered my heart…and I'm with the girl that picked up the pieces."

I want to say something about Amilia or the two of us but he presses his lips up to my neck and I feel slightly indulged. "Hillary if I told you that I think I'm falling in love with you…would you be mad?" I want my heart to flop down in my chest or my stomach to get butterflies but nothing happens.

"Kai…I already know. I know because I loved you from the first day we met and that's why I'm not freaking out about Amilia or Mila or the fact that Tala looked down my shirt three times today. I am totally content with you and what ever comes along with you."

Kai puts his head in the hallow of my neck, whispering lightly. "Let's go to the amusement park." I raise my eye brow and snort, the one that he likes and I hate. "That was random." He smiles at me and replies easily, "Not really. When I'm with you I feel like I'm on some kind of a drug and I'm spinning around and around."

Tonight was amazing but some how with Kai, I know that tomorrow will be better and then the next day will be better than tomorrow. That's just the way it is with Kai. There are no limits on feeling good or acting high. We could roll around in mud and do Indian rain dances around the fire, there will always be something better. Always.

Don't get me wrong, there will be times when we just all want to run over Tala with quads or when we'll feel so bad about our self's that we would rather become hermits than actually live our life's. But hopefully when those times come, they'll go quickly because we're chasing them away.

Between Bat Girl and Indian rain dances and really late night Sunday dates, we'll get through the shit and right into the good stuff like lemon-aid and raspberry cheese cake.

_-x-Son when you participate in sporting events it's not weather you win or lose it's about how drunk you get-x-_

11111111111111111111111111111

**Thanks to….**

**.hilariberri**

**Nubia**

**Angel of suicide**

**Tear-drowned-angel**

**DarkZeus**

**Sweet-ghyny13**

**Advent-Star**

**K'onix**

**Kai'sgirl501**

I'm updating early because I was in the writing mood, I needed to relieve some stress! I'm so behind in math :S I had three hours of HW tonight:'( Lol, but any way you don't want to hear about my rambling. Review and be happy!


	6. laundry mats and kissing

_-x-Is there anything beer can't fix-x-_

**-x-Chapter 6- laundry mats and kissing my brother-x-**

Our day started normal. There were no fights and lots of laughs, no weird ex girlfriends or illegitimate children. No tears shed or secrets spilled. It was normal, and for once I couldn't really argue with that.

Kai woke me up at 8:30, which is good because I work at ten and my boss said I shouldn't be half awake and grumpy when I go to work. Tala fell asleep in the car on the way to Tim Hortons which gave me and Kai some alone time in the restaurant, however, when Tala woke up he was slightly disorientated and frightened.

I went to work and Tyson dropped by on my break. We went to the mall fountain and threw things into the water. We're cool now, me and Tyson. I don't understand how, to me it seems like I was totally unfair towards him, but he says it's behind him and it should be behind me too.

My boss talked to me, and for once it was good. She said a lot of things, the only thing I understood was that I was selling the most stuff out of every one in the store, which I mean, is great!

When Kai found out he snuck me into one of the vacant change rooms and we made out for a while, but then a woman knocked on the change room because she was _actually _trying on cloths, and I had to _actually _work and Kai had to _actually _leave.

And so a full day of work and eating donuts and drinking coffee has led me to the only place I really feel like going. My bed room.

I made Kai look after Amelia, because Mila is only going to be in town for another few days and I'm really starting to enjoy her company, that's why she's snuggled up beside me in a heap of blankets and a pile of pillows surrounding her, watching '_firewall.' _

I tend to talk a lot during the movie, and that's why Kai won't go with me to the theater because he's embarrassed when I guess the end and am usually right about the whole thing.

Mila does the same thing, maybe that's why we're friends. I'm going to miss her when she leaves back for New York, but in a way it will be really relieving.

Kai's been acting weird, he doesn't really like the fact that me and Mila have been hanging out so much and he hasn't quite yet embraced the simple truth that he has a child. I haven't really come to terms with it myself. I accept it, and I will stand by Kai with his decision to stay in touch with Mila and Amie. The only thing is, I'm a little bit scared. If I stay with Kai as long as intend to...then Amie will play a much bigger part in my life than I really expected in the beginning.

"Oh my God! He spiked him! HILLARY HE SPIKED HIM WITH A SPIKY THING!" I hear this high pitched scream following Mila's excited rambling, and I snap out of my alternate universe and back into the movie. I look at the screen, haha, he really did hit him with a spiky thing.

I glance quickly over at Mila, her hair all twisted up in a messy bun at the top of her head. I can't help loving her. The only thing I worry about is if Kai feels the same way.

**XXX**

"I think that we should get a washing machine." Tyson chuckles at the thought of this, "Yeah but if we did then we wouldn't get to wash our cloths _together_." I shrug, only true.

We're at 'Uncle Sam's Laundry Mat.' It smells kind of stingy but all the laundry soap and bounce sheets cover it up, the smell is masked.

My butt is getting hot and it tickles a little, but then again it always does when I sit on the top of the dryers here. They buzz and move around like their trying to get away from this old place, but they're attached to the wall so you see the dilemma there.

Tyson is sitting on the dryer across from me and when he speaks his voice is all jiggled. "Dooo you want to coomme to ahhhhhhh party toooniggght?" I snort lightly at the sound of his voice, but am mighty quiet when it comes to my answer. I really feel like me and Tyson are making progress as friends, I know why him and Kai use to be close. Tyson's funny and witty and can be serious when you need him to be. I guess in a way I filled Tyson's place.

When he sees me questioning myself he adds in, "Youuu can bring Kai and eeeeven Taaala." My face lights up and I want to thank Tyson for actually acting like a man, unlike Kai when it comes to Tyson.

I hop off the dryer and pull my cloths out, they're fluffy and warm. I stuff them into my white laundry basket. "I will most defiantly be there. What time and where?" Tyson also gets off his dryer when he hears the faded ding.

"Taylor Syorta's house, around 10. She actually wanted me to invite you, there's going to be a lot of people there." I know that my huge grins gives my excitement away as I skip out to my white rust bucket my dad makes me call a car.

**XXX**

All I can remember is where I am and who I'm with...I think I'm with Kai. I was with him like five minutes ago, he went to go and get me water and some bread or something.

Oh, whoa, there's Tala._ That's _how I'm standing up, Tala is holding me. "Hill. Why don't we go sit down some where? We can make fun of girls that aren't as pretty as you." Tala would have kept going but another voice that I don't recognize or maybe it's just that I can't, cuts him off.

"There are no girls prettier, so you would have to make fun of _all _of them." I look at Tala, his face is sort of red, not with embarrassment but with anger, I turn to my right and the voice's body is actually pretty good looking.

He's got shaggy black hair that sticks out in strange places and is really tall, God I love tall guys. If I was sober I think I would be able to tell his eye color, but I can barley see what shoes I have on.

"Hi. I'm Nathaniel, just call me Nate." I find myself grinning and I move myself from Tala all the way over to Nathaniel, my arms also find their way around his neck.

I may be drunk but I can still feel Tala's eyes burning holes through my back, I'm sure he's already dug his finger nails into the palms of his hands from having his fists clenched together.

"You know Nate, you're pretty cute. Are you from here?" He smiles, he has nice white teeth, and their not perfect which is good because I hate perfect teeth...Kai's aren't perfect. Oh my God Kai!

The next thing you know Kai's voice is inside my head, never mind it's actually real.

"You wouldn't happen to be hitting on my girlfriend now would you?" Right now would probably be a good time to get my hands off of Nate and for him to release my waist, but he kind of pulls me in further, and then the words register in my head.

"You called me your girlfriend. Kai? You just called me your girlfriend." We've been dating for three months almost, and he still hasn't called me his girlfriend, he hasn't said it. It's like he won't, or he doesn't know how or he's scared.

Kai's stare turns to a soft smile and a shrug when he looks over at me, and then glances down at Nate's hands. I wiggle out of his grip and stumble towards Kai, the music flooding my ears and making me tremble.

I fall into his arms and expect nothing less than to be dramatically kissed, instead he shoves me towards Tala and hits Nathaniel so hard he falls down. Nate stands back up ready to fight but Kai hits him again, this time blood trickling down the side of Nate's face. Kai turns and looks at me, shaking his head.

I keep my eyes on the ground, feeling slightly ashamed of myself. Kai leads me and Tala towards the deck outside where there are only a few people making out and a group of people smoking a duby. As we walk by the drink table I take two shooters and do them quick before Tala can stop me and Kai finds out.

Once we reach the deck which really feels like 1000 years, Tala sits me down in a plastic white chair. I think their both going to yell at me, but all Kai does is hand me a red Dixie cup mixed with water and vodka. I don't really understand why he's condoning this but it doesn't really matter, I want to swallow all the liquor in the world tonight or else my heart might fall right out of my chest.

Kai looks me up and down and I see this grin through the corner of his mouth as he sits down in a lawn chair next to me, signaling for Tala to go wait inside. (Which isn't that big of a deal because when Kai told Tala he had to help keep me on my feet, Tala was right pissed off because that ripped him away from the recent girl he was fondling.)

I'm wearing my right below the knee jean cappries and my black and white poka dot clingy V neck/back shirt.

I lay my head on Kai's shoulder, taking a slow sip from my drink. My mouth feels bitter as if I swallowed perfume. Maybe though-it's not my mouth that's bitter, but my mind and heart.

"I know." His sentence is breathy and short and it sucks the life right out of me. "I'll kill myself before I leave here."

It's the first time I've said it, the leaving here part. My dad got a new job and we're moving at the end of September, or it least he thinks we are. But either he leaves me here alive or he leaves he leaves me here dead and buried. Either way, I'm not going any where.

Kai puts his head into my hair and after almost five minutes of him like this, I make him look up at me. There are these small almost invisible tears in his lashes, but hurt beyond all measures in his eyes.

"Hillary I am so madly and crazily in love with you. I don't care what any one says, if it's to soon or if I'm to young. When you're in love you _know_, you can feel it in your insides. It's not something you can mistake anything else for, I love you Hillary Inya!"

I want to cry but I can't really remember what he just said, which is funny because he knows it and laughs as he hugs my head. "Let's go back in, I'll pour you another drink." I grin, kissing him and biting down on his bottom lip some what playfully.

"Hurry up Kai, I might make out with another guy if I'm left alone to long." He grins and catches up to me in the door way, picking me up and flinging me over his shoulder.

I see Tala on our way in, making out with some one he wasn't with before. Kai puts me down and grabs me a cooler from the bin of ice on the floor. I turn my body to reveal Tyson, the person who invited me here in the first place. He looks sad when I see him and he won't look me right in the eye.

"Kai told me." I smile nodding my head at him from across the room, he mouths back something about how it sucks. I nod my head and make my way over to him. I cut through a cluster of dancing people and a few smokers on the outside and I reach him. I expect him to tell me something witty, to see his leadership and determination shine. Instead he throws himself into me and hugs me.

Once we part I sight, "I can't stay because I'm not 18 yet...God Tyson, if I could I would just marry Kai and stay here forever. I love this place...what's it called again?" A moment of soberness followed by a moment of the two shooters I had prior to this conversation.

Tyson grins, not giving off any signs except for a little bit of sadness and a smile. "So you and Kai...your pretty serious then?" I shrug, "He's my best friend and I love him." Tyson nods his head in the direction that my back is turned, Kai is standing behind me.

It's awkward at first, he hands me my drink and I slip my arm around his torso. "Are you guys ever going to get over it?" The words just sort of fall out of my drunken mouth. "I mean, Kai, Mila never loved you and you never loved her. What Tyson did was very wrong, but it was also partly Mila's fault. And you know what?!"

Kai blinks consuming this like a little boy who's being scolded. "And what happened between me and Tyson, well that was totally okay. Firstly Kai you couldn't grow any balls to just ask me out. That time it was your own fault! Tyson hurt you we get that! He stole something from you who maybe you still value but you stole something from him that he values too!"

I cover my mouth. I'm now standing beside Kai and Tyson is making it sort of a triangle. We're all looking at each other, each one of us expecting each other to say something.

Kai looks sort of stunned and when he opens his mouth to speak he sounds dumbfound. "You-you actually cared about Hillary?" Tyson's soft face turns hard and angry, "Of course I cared about her. And I still do, she's the best thing that's walked into my life in a long time. It was dark and she shed light on my small trivial world."

I'm slightly embarrassed and slightly touched by Tyson's sweet words. I can see Tala through the corner of my eye and he walks up behind Kai.

Kai moves closer to me, for the first time tonight I feel sober and I can smell the liquor on Kai's breath, especially when he sticks his tong down my throat, it takes me some time to gain my composure but when I do I push him away and slap him so hard across the face that he will most likely have a bruise.

"Love me my as..." Yet again another tong is down my throat, but this one isn't out of pride or lust, it's passionate and I wish I could feel it but I can't. I don't feel the tingles or the stomach thing. I just feel a pair of lips on my own. I feel dizzy and I pull away, slightly off balance. "What the fuck was that you two?!"

I'm screaming but the voices and people and music are so high that it sounds more like a whisper than anything.

Tala pushes in between the two boys, and comes up to me kissing me on the lips quick, and then holding me up, supporting my weak and dizzy body. "Tala, I understand them but why you?" Tala grins at me and chuckles, "Every one seemed to be kissing you, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about."

Tala makes me laugh and smiles at me, but when he turns on his heal, leading me away he glares at both Kai and Tyson. I know he wants to say more but he holds his tong and leads me out of the house and down the steps into the cold night.

"I can't go home." I hiccup a little and try to continue but Tala just shakes his head and pushes me into his car. "Your lucky kido, it was me this time that was the DD...well actually I guess if Kai was sobber none of this would have happened."

I can hear Tala speaking but it's like a numb lull and it takes me literary two minutes to register the words into my brain. "Kai said he loved me...I think."

Tala doesn't say anything, but I can hear him breathing funny. "Tala, has he ever said that to any one?" I open my eyes and turn my neck to look at my friend, he shakes his head. "Only me. This one time when we were 10 and he thought that the bridge we were walking across was going to break...he was a little bit weird about bridges." I start to laugh but suddenly feel the person that I really am trying to surface, I scream for Tala to slow down and I open my door, puking all over his neighbors yard.

"Couldn't you have waited until we got like 50 meters ahead?" I wipe my mouth on the back of my hand and get out of the vehicle. "I call the outside, I know I'm going to have to get in and out."

He glares at me playfully, but doesn't say anything. Just nods his head.

Tala unlocks the door, leading me up the stairs with his hand over my mouth, I can often be a loud drunk. I look over at Kai's door and want to kick it down or go through it and into his bed, mixed feeling is most defiantly the word there.

Tala leads me to his room, there's a huge King sized bed, he lays two pillows in the middle, symbolizing where the bed has been divided. "Stay on your own side and we'll have no problems little sister."

I smile at the thought of this but it twists into a scrunched up face as I flop down, Tala also getting into the bed and turning off the light.

"Tala...you kissed me like ten minutes ago." I hear him laughing into the pillow and I'm not sure how long this goes on for because I fall asleep even more pro than sleeping beauty.

_x-Is there anything beer can't fix-x-_


	7. sunshine and slurpies

-x-You're my first call.

Nothing feels real until i've phoned and told you,

nothing feels right until you know-x-

Chapter 7- Sunshine, slurpies, room 118 and dragon snaps

Regret. The one thing that can eat a person's soul without them ever knowing it. Sort of like herpies...except not quite as nasty and sexual. I've been feeling a lot of regret lately. More than my heart cares to heave around.

At first i thought i was thinking about the demons in my closet because of the sunshine i have been feeling, the happyness and light that has been brought into my life. Then i realized; i didn't start wrestling those demons when i felt the sunshine, but when my father tried to steal it away.

Today is when that regret really shows it's self. Exposing that it has been killing you without you even knowing it. Rather deviouse if you ask me.

August 28th. The aniversery for my mothers death. It's not the official day that she stopped breathing, not the date on her death certificate or the date on her tomb stone or the date in anyone elses memories. Nonetheless; August 28th is the day that my mother died to me.

It was warm that day, and you could have layed on the pavment and cooked your skin if you stayed laying there long enough. I remeber drinking a lot of slurpies, maybe seven or eight. Rainbow swamp water, too much sugar to ingest in an hour but i still liked to get the large. The cup would sit in the sidewalk next to my little cousins chalk and melt into its self, and the sugar would carmalize and everything would turn brown and then the ants would come; eating the goopy mess- eventually spilling into the cracks of the side walk- knocked over by a foot or an elbow.

I wish i could remember her face the same way i remember a slurpie that cost 3.47; but i just can't. I blocked it out, i disgaurded the memories. I burnt up everything good i ever felt towards my mother, every good thought and glance and touch i had; i killed. I killed those good things with my anger and sadness turned to rage and hate the same way the cancer killed her body.

Sasha Marie stopped breathing and exsisting on planet earth on September 2nd 2006, but in my world she stoped exsisting on August 28th.

I had spent most of the morning drawing with chalk on our drive way with my little cousin Jainy. It wasn't much earlier than noon when she fell off her bike and scrapped her knee, i phoned her dad at work and he was angry with me, he said i should have been watching her better.

I remember being so angry inside when he came and got her, like how could he think i was irrisponsable? Kid's scrape their knees.

All i wanted to do was scream at him...but there was no one to scream to. That's when i decided that my Mum would know what to say. She always knew; she'd phone him up and scream at him for hurting my feelings. She'd tell me that i was 16, and shouldn't worry about ass holes in the family. I knew she would have something to say. Mum always knew what to say.

So i got into the old beat up car that she bought me three days before my birthday, it was supose to be a suprise, but she wasn't very good at keeping secrets.

I was wearing my worn out jean cut offs and flip flops and my white and red striped bikini top. Mum always told me that it was a gift not a curse that i didn't have any boobs, i could always get away with things like wearing my bathing suit into a hospital.

The nurses there knew me, because she'd been in the hospital almost a whole year. Some days i hated that place, but walking in, walking in beat with my keys jinggiling, i felt a haven and a security; and i supose i felt a pridictableness in knowing she would be in that hospital bed.

Room 118. There was was, laying in her bed staring out into the beautiful day i had already embraced with open arms. She had mounds of cards on her windowsill, fresh flowers in perminant vauses.

I sat down in the orange squishy chair next to her bed, setting down the slurpie i had brought for her and the one for myself, and before she could even greet me or smile i told her everything that happened. And you know what she said?

Nothing. She didn't speak a single word. I waited and waited for her to saying something.Anything. But she said _nothing._ After five minutes of silence i asked her what was wrong. Still nothing. She just sat there, looking out the window, every so often looking at me without actually seeing me.

Later on, the nurses told me that she was feeling very sick that day, that she had told them that it was the first time she truly knew that she was dieing.

I was 16 and ignorant and angry that she wasn't running to my aid, that she wasn't being my mother; not at all interested in her own fatal emotions.I remember the sound the chair made when i pushed it out from under myself; this terrable screeching sound like nails on a chalk board or a car stopping five seconds short of a life.

I yelled at her about not understanding me, spewing question on why she couldn't be a good mother, why she had to lay there like that, why she didn't care. I asked her why she couldn't fix herself or my problem.

The long stem of purple dragon snaps that i had picked from our neighbours front yard fell from my lap, and i picked it up, gipping it tightly in my hand. I wanted to hand it to her and then i wanted to say sorry and talk to her and laugh with her; and then i wanted her to be my mother and get better and make me snacks when i got home from school and go to the store in the middle of the night to buy me tampons and tell me i shouldn't date boys with earrings and not to cut my own bangs and not eat too many carbs or i'd get fat like grandma. But i didn't. I didn't do anything i wanted to do; instead i took the flowers and crushed them inside my sweaty hand and began a painful year of never being happy because i always forced my body to disobey my heart.

That is until i ment Kai and Tala, and finally felt the sunshine again.

XXX

I have a plan. The same way Tom Cruise in _Mission Impossable_ has a plan and the same way that God himself has a plan. Although, as i think more about it now, i realize that Tom Cruise probably has a plan B and C and God is well, God. Nonetheless; i can't let the fear of striking out keep me from playing the game.

And besides, the plan is rather ingeniouse. It's been a week since the party and i'm glad to say that every one of those nights have been filled with movies and pizza and cheese cake and laughs and many, many kisses.

Kai and me talked. It was inevitable, how could i stay mad at him? Fights happen but fights with alcohal don't count because no one can ever hold their essance together.

We all have an essance, and it's many different personalities and traits that make that essance. Kai wanted me that night, but he always loved me that night, he wants to protect me and yeah, he wants to have sex with me. All those things together make his Kainess and i really couldn't be angry with him for letting too much of one trait lose that night.

So we made a dessision that there will be no more parties for quite some time, and that if there is any alcohal involved in anything we do; it will be in _very_ small doses.

Me and Tala are sitting outside on my deck right now, drinking generic pink lemonaid and watch Kai push Amelia on the worn out swing set that was in my back yard when we first moved here.

My dad wanted to sell it, but i like to sit on the swing and try to pump sometimes, and even though my legs are only getting longer and it's never been physically impossable since i've tried, i still like to see if i can do it every once and a while.

I've been talking with Tala about the plan for almost five days, keeping it under wraps and waiting to tell Kai. We don't want it to back fire and then have Kai getting upset.

It was my idea to quit High School. That's about where my part of the plan ends. Tala came up with the rest...which is really the actual outline of the plan. I want do my grade 12 year of High School through corrispondance with the school, and then get a part time job and move in with him and Kai once they find an apartment. (Which is hopefully in the next 5 days because their parents are kicking them out by the time summer is over.) Then if i pass my grade 12 year, i can apply for universities in attemps to someday work in a design firm.

And lastly the most brilliant and diabolical part of the plan, get an imancipation from my father. I've thought a lot about it, and if he can't accept how much i want to stay here, and he's going to wallow in my mothers death and bring _me _down with it- then it's just not worth trying to stay in his life. Not right now anyway.

So far, an imancipation is more money than me and Tala have without including the rent money that we will sooner or later have to pay; Kai however, is another story. The man has been saveing for years, and Tala and me just have to figure out a way for him to go along with the plan and that money can be added to '_the get Hillary divorced from her crazy Dad and help her stay with her real family'_ fund.

It's taking every fiber of my small complex to hold this secret plan inside, Tala keeps scrunching his eyes weird at me when Kai's around, and trying to convince me that it _is_ like we're on Mission Impossable so that's why we can't tell Kai. Sometimes i wonder if he believes the stupid things he comes up with, or if he thinks i'm 12.

Mila and Amelia are up for two more days, until Mila has to start university again and get back to the city. Her and Kai have decided that Amelia is going to see Kai offten, every second week if it's convenient enough. Kai loves that little girl. It's her innocence i think, and the fact that she's part of him and that a piece of himself is innocence again; if just for a while.

"So, when are we going to tell Kai about the plan."

Tala's eyes are wide, and he glares and then hisses at me.

"Shut up, not so loud. I don't know yet. I think you need to phone the school and officially quit first."

I raise my eye brow, challenging him slightly.

"After that, i can tell him?"

Tala sighs heavily and nods. The plan is funner when you talk about it, i think.

"Good then, i've already quit. And i'm telling him right now."

Tala jumps up, and we start squabiling back and forth.

"You can't tell him right now! You need a speech!"

"I don't need a fucking speech you douche! You're such a loser. This isn't _Mission Impossable_...we don't have a plan B!!"

"Dont tell him!"

"I'll do what ever i want."

"He's my brother i say you can't tell him!"

"Yeah well he's my best friend"

"He's my best friend too!"

"Well he's my boyfriend."

"So, i knew him longer.

"Well i get to kiss him."

"Well he tells me afterwards."

"Well i love him!"

"...You're an idiot. So do i."

"Yeah, well...you know what"

My mind is drawing a blank, the words just roll off my tong.

"I've seen him naked."

Tala bursts out lauhing and i slump into my chair, crossing my arms knowing i am beat. Once he's done laughing, and we have drawn Kai's attention completly towards us and Kai is now standing beside me, Tala gives me an actual answer instead of a snort of a laugh.

"First of all, i've seen him naked. You on the other hand haven't. And you can't even lie, because i just said like three minutes ago that he tells me when he kisses you."

I stare daggers at his heart but he doesn't fall to a bloody grave. Instead he just sticks out his toung and we both wait for Kai to ask us what's going on.

Amelia is now playing in the sand box, giggiling conently as she puts the grimy substance into her mouth.

"So are you guys going to explain...orrrr...?"

I glance at Tala and he looks at me with an annoying grin of victory, and i know he's forgotten what we're fighting about.

"I quit school and i want to get an annulment from my dad and do corrispondance and live with you and Tala."

Check-mate.

Kai reaches back for a chair, his hand groping the air; not taking his wideeyes off of me.

There is a silence that reminds me of August 28th and slurpies, and i have a personal need to fill it with noise.

"Please don't be angry Kai. Everything will be okay, i'm not going with my Dad. I'll kill myself before i leave you. There was never any chance of me leaving. You knew something was going to go down..."

I look to Tala, Tala looks to Kai and Kai looks to me. A giant love triangle Except this one goes all the way around the perimiter.

"You have to pass everything and i don't care how the marking system works, you better be a friggin honor student."

And with that, a smile creeps across his lips and i shriek and Tala covers his hears as i leap into Kay arms, wrapping my legs around his waist and kissing him.

I can hear Tala squirming, and something about him taking Amelia inside and us having the rest of the night to do as we please. Even though i don't catch everything my 'brother' says, i still like the way the sounds fit together.

Kai sets me down, holding my face in his hands. I want him to say that he loves me, and how excited he is. To talk about what color we will paint or kitchen.

"I know what today. I know where you were all today."

My heart beats inside my chest, beating and making a rythem the same way my keys did a year ago.

"How?"

Kai smiles, shrugging a little mysteriously and maybe too casually.

"You can learn a lot from drunk girls in your home town...i didn't want to talk about then. I wanted to wait. Till i knew i wanted you to know that i knew your secret..."

I stare at my shoes, red flats with cute little bows. They remind me of my red and white bikini top that is stashed away inside a locked trunk up in my room, along with eight slurpie cups with eight recepts, purple dragon snaps, flip flops, cut offs and a bandaid wrapper from the result of a scrapped knee.

"Do you want to go and get a slurpie? I'll tell you the story on the way."

"Sure we can walk, it's hot enough to cook on the side walk if you layed on it too long."

I grin at his irony, slipping his big fingers inbetween his own. We walk out the back yard, swinging the brown metal gate shut behind us; closing the door on summer.

"Let me tell you about Sasha Marie. All the woman wanted to be her, and all the men wanted to have her. And the only person she ever really loved was _me._"


End file.
